I can relate to Tullian’s experience as he waits for God to lead him through exciting but excruciating days. I’m sure you’ve been there, too, so let his thoughts encourage you:
Following God’s lead is always good but never safe. When you commit yourself to do whatever God tells you to do and to go wherever God tells you to go, you inevitably experience up’s and down’s; high’s and low’s. For me, this week has been crazy! It’s been filled with excitement and fear; misunderstanding and frustration; laughter and tears. I’ve experienced moments of great desperation and great deliverance; grief and glory. God’s Spirit and God’s truth have afflicted me in my comfort and comforted me in my affliction. He’s never been more relevant to me. I’ve never felt so dependant on him. If God does not lead me, I’m done. It’s that simple.
As has often been the case in my Christian life, God has used the preaching of the late Dr. D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones to bring great persepective and reorientation to my troubled soul. His sermons on Revival preached in 1959 (I have them on audio cassette) are, by far, the best series of sermons I have ever heard. And last night I went back to one of them desperately needing God to remind me of my smallness and his bigness. And with a thundering voice, Lloyd-Jones reminded me of my supreme need:
“Our supreme need, and our only need, is to know God, the living God, and the power of his might. We need nothing else. It is just that, the power of the living God, to know that the living God is among us and that nothing else matters. So we wait upon him. We look to him. We cry out to him, as Moses did when he was standing before the Red Sea, not knowing what to do, and while the people were grumbling and complaining, and afraid. God answered Moses and said, “Wherefore criest thou unto me? Speak unto the children of Israel, that they may go forward” (Exodus 14:15). And on they went.
I say, forget everything else. Forget everything else. We need to realize the presence of the living God amongst us. Let everything else be silent. This is no time for minor differences. We all need to know the touch of the power of the living God.”