I agree with one commenter who said, “I feel like Andrée Seu pried the top off my head and described what she saw in there.”
An addiction, to my way of thinking, is any compulsive behavior that we engage in because we get something out of it, but that is self-destructive. The Lord has shown me that worry is my addiction. He proved this by removing my problems and demonstrating that I will continue to worry even when the problems are removed. Indeed, I observed my mind almost frantically looking for something new to worry about, like a virus desperate for a new host cell, or the free-floating priest in the book of Judges who attached himself to Micah’s house. Worry is a misery, but it’s my little pet misery. It’s my most comfortable state.
What do I “get out of” worry? Answer: protection. If I am worried, preemptively, about a certain outcome, the outcome will not happen. Or if it does, it won’t take me by surprise. The way to keep from being destroyed by some future scenario that I fear is to be unhappy about it ahead of time. See how clever I am?
God isn’t playing. He wants to be my protection; he doesn’t want me to protect myself in that way. He wants to be my trust. He commands us to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Philippians 4:4), which to a person wired like me is tantamount to bungee-jumping. Because God commands it, however, I have been trying to comply. It’s very scary at this stage, and I have to do it multiple times a day. But I think once I get the hang of it I will enjoy it a lot more than my addiction.