Thanksgiving Rightly Addressed
I see him through the kitchen window on Tuesday at twenty-three minutes past nine, later than usual. He’s clanging open the mailbox at the end of the lane, jarring off its blanket of snow. I watch.
But he’s paused. The naked branches of the sumac finger across the window, but if I arch on tiptoes – isn’t he laying envelopes, flyers into that steely cold dark?
He’s heading to the door.
The dog barks and the kids dash to greet mailman first and I run fingers through hair and the back doorbell chimes.
“Sorry, Mrs. Voskamp,” he’s reaching through a tribe of kids with a handful of mail. “But we didn’t see any address on this letter. Without an address, we can’t recognize it as post. It’s undeliverable.”
I take the offered stack, glance at envelope on top. A celebratory card I’d slipped in the mailbox to be sent to my grandmother stares blankly back at me.
I hadn’t written any address on it.
Winter gusts in and my cheeks ignite.
“Oh, I’m the one who’s sorry.” Why do I laugh with such a pitch when I’m on fire?
“If I’d written a recognizable address on it, it would have been a good idea, yes?”
A friendly nod and he’s gone back through the snow to his pick-up, the children calling, waving, bye after him, dog wagging tail, me just smoldering.
The envelope lies on the mudroom sideboard all day.
I walk by it several times.
I check it every time: No, I really didn’t address it.
The letter lies there undelivered. Like generic thanks, acknowledging no one in particular. Like generic, unaddressed thanks, returned to sender.
I pause once, finger its edge. Granny never received our heart on paper.
Yes, that too: if gratitude is sensed only as a global, vague feeling, addressed to no one in particular, it’s as good as not sent. Non-existent.